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All the jokes below where submitted by Akpos.
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People Without Gifts
Submitted by Anonymous on Thu, 09/29/2016 – 10:36
A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them:
1. Bride’s relatives
2. Groom’s relatives
He entered the groom’s door and found two doors again.
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the men’s door and found two doors again.
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and
He found himself outside the hotel.
The Stolen Goat
Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 09/28/2016 – 17:01
Kunle stole a goat, he was arrested and taken to court.
JUDGE: Gentleman, are you guilty or not guilty?
KUNLE: My Lord, I’m not guilty.
JUDGE: How come you were arrested and brought before the court for stealing a goat?
KUNLE: My Lord, I was just passing by Mr. Darlington’s house and I saw a very big rope tied to a tree. I said to myself, “maybe the tree is trying to commit suicide,” so I rescued the tree and took the rope home. My Lord… I swear I didn’t realise there was a goat tied to the rope until now!
The Judge freed Kunle.
Long Queue
Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 09/28/2016 – 11:11
I’ve you experienced the long queue at ATM points these days? I wonder where the recession everyone keep shouting about is coming from.
Yesterday afternoon, I tried to check if I still have some money in my account. After staying in the queue behind a guy for about 45 minutes, a girl walked up to me and said, “Please sir, I’m in front of your back.”
Out of annoyance, I replied, “Come and stay in the center of my front!”
What is a Verb
Submitted by Anonymous on Tue, 09/27/2016 – 10:00
TEACHER: What is a Verb?
CHIKE: A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre.
TEACHER: What are you saying?
CHIKE: It is a complete sentence sir.
TEACHER: Are you mad?
CHIKE: It is a question sir.
TEACHER: Don’t be stupid.
CHIKE: It is an advice sir.
TEACHER: Stop that nonsense.
CHIKE: It is a command sir.
TEACHER: You’re an idiot.
CHIKE: It is an insult sir.
TEACHER: Get out of my class.
CHIKE: It is an order sir.
TEACHER: Oh! Goodness, What a boy!
CHIKE: It is an exclamation sir.
TEACHER: May God have mercy on you.
CHIKE: It is a prayer sir
Be patient. Listen
Submitted by akposjokes on Mon, 10/02/2017 – 13:27
I came home from work. I was tired. I sat down on the sofa. Put my feet up. My wife brought me a glass of water. My son gave me a sheet of paper:
English Lang. 17%
Biology 35%
Mathematics 40%
Physics 37%
Chemistry 42%
Economics 12%
Agric. Science 19%
Religion Knowl. ABS
Geography 22%
I lost my temper.
And started shouting: “What is this? All the time on phone and TV. How dare you show me such marks?”
My Wife said: “Be patient. Listen….”
I told her: “Shut up! It’s your love and pampering that has spoilt him. He is no good and never serious at all.”
My Wife said: “Oh! Really?”
I said: “No one in our family has performed so badly ever.”
My Son said: “Dad, I am sorry. I was cleaning the old cupboard and I found this. This is your old school report card, dated 27th July 1980 sir.”
Explosives School
Submitted by akposjokes on Thu, 08/31/2017 – 19:30
Mother: “How was school today, Patrick?”
Patrick: “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”
Mother: “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”
Patrick: “What school?”
Catch the Bus
Submitted by akposjokes on Thu, 08/31/2017 – 19:18
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 bus.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
Frozen Windows
Submitted by akposjokes on Fri, 08/11/2017 – 13:19
Wife sends a text message to her husband on a really cold winter morning: Windows are totally frozen, will not open.
Husband replies: “Carefully pour some warm water over it and tap the edges first with your hand, if that doesn’t work, then gently with a hammer.”
15 minutes later, the wife texts back: “Oh no, I think the laptop is now totally gone.”
Why steal the car?
Submitted by akposjokes on Fri, 08/11/2017 – 12:57
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.
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